By Elizabeth Herman | Posted: April 01, 2020

Does thinking about mistakes you made in the past mean that you haven’t forgiven yourself for them? What does it take to forgive yourself for actions you regret?

These and other questions are important for peace of mind and well-being in general. Suggestions for self-forgiveness include acceptance of and releasing what happened. Moving on into the future can mean accepting the past as destiny, making a commitment to change for the sake of a better future, and moving forward.

But none of these things can happen without perspective and self-reflection. Taking a look at your life and how it has progressed can be the first step. 

5 steps to take

1. Don’t overanalyze

While it helps to pay attention to your own life, if you analyze yourself too much you can get bogged down by thoughts and questions that will lead to feeling either righteous or guilty, and neither one will help. Instead, let go of any self-criticism or self-righteousness, and feel free to be loving and fulfill a higher purpose in the world. By reflecting on the past lightly, accepting yourself and others, and committing to work towards a larger goal, you can release the need to analyze yourself into the ground, and find new energy to move forward. 

2. Reflect 

By looking back through your memories, you can start to assess what actions you took and what consequences resulted from those actions. While some may have turned out badly and others turned out well, the mistakes often take precedence and can command most of your attention at times. Writing down your observations in a balanced way can give you a less emotional, more reasonable idea of how you’ve fared in response to your past. A sheet of paper can be divided in half with a vertical line, with the good effects of your actions on one side of the line, and the bad effects on the other side. 

3. Accept

Self-acceptance includes both the bad and good actions you have taken, as well as the state you’re in right now. You can look at your reflections without overanalyzing them, and gain insight into what your life has meant, and what and where it has brought you over time. By accepting these aspects of your own life, you can accept others more readily. Then you can collaborate more effectively with your surroundings, in order to move on to the next steps of commitment and a future full of brighter promise and potential. As Matt James, PhD advises, “Retain what you learned from the event but release everything else.”

4. Commit

Megan Hale describes the reasons for commitment to future positive action, saying, “Commit to replacing the negative thoughts and behaviors with more appropriate ones that are in keeping with the morals and values you just identified. By so doing, you'll reaffirm to yourself that you can handle situations the way you want to. This can lead to a sense of pride, which is a huge part of building self-esteem.” Self-esteem makes people feel love for both themselves and others. This happens in every moment, without a focus on past or future events. After reflection and acceptance, your commitment can reinforce a loving attitude towards yourself and others, laying a strong foundation for the needed dynamism and energy to make the world a better place.

5. Move forward

When you’re ready, it will be easy to turn the page and move forward with good habits, self-love and gratitude. The mistakes you forgive yourself for have actually done a great service, because they’ve taught you something and made you the person you are today. By thanking the universe for the opportunity to learn from mistakes, you transform your regrets into energy that can be used for the common good. You can become more effective at achieving positive goals for your own and others’ lives when you take the time, using meditation, yoga, and other positive actions, to transform any accumulated negativity into acceptance, gratefulness, and wisdom. These rewards can be shared and radiated throughout your new days.

Once you have taken these steps, the self-forgiveness in your life can be repeated many times, whenever you feel a twinge of regret about anything. You can revisit your ability to reflect and perceive yourself whenever you start to feel the drag of negativity rear its ugly head in your overthinking mind. By releasing such thoughts, meditating, and accepting yourself, you’ll get over the habit of rumination and embrace the positive energy that you have every right to enjoy!

Online, a new, free Happiness Webinar and a Master Class on how to calm your mind can help you achieve many of the above goals.

Elizabeth Herman writes, offers writing support to clients, teaches, and volunteers for a better world. She has a PhD in Rhetoric, Composition and Literature. Find her on Facebook or Twitter.