By Elizabeth Herman | Posted: July  26, 2019

“Life is a game,” says Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. So when someone asks him how to deal with her husband’s irresponsible behavior, the answer is light and humorous. 

In this short video, the spiritual master enjoys addressing a topic from within someone’s marriage. With a view towards the possibility of change, he suggests that the questioner tries several different strategies besides talking, which she says hasn’t worked for many years.

One of the husband’s irresponsible behaviors is “having fun all day.” According to the wife, he spends more than he earns, doesn’t take care of the kids, sleeps in a separate room, has fun all day, etc. The other side of the story isn’t available, although Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar mentions that it’s necessary to hear it to give a good answer.

Accept and have fun

But, intuitively, the idea that the wife should have more fun begins to balance the scales. She can move to a separate house if she wants to. It’s as though she can change her behavior to imitate her husband, rather than judging and criticizing him with her words.

The wisdom that says acceptance of others is key to skillful action offers a relationship a new way of being in the world. The way of being is light, not heavy; fun, not calculating; active, not passive; and joining, not separating. With these contrasts between nagging and laughing, there’s a sense that a relationship can benefit from an approach that brings joy into the picture, and provides relief from conflict and constant bickering.

By changing oneself, one can accept the other person, and join that person in enjoying life. One can make room for imperfection, and come together with a partner, or at least open the possibility that a better response might ensue.

By Elizabeth Herman - PhD in English, with concentrations in Rhetoric and Composition, and Literature, she offers writing support to clients, teaches locally, lives in Boone, NC, and volunteers for a better world.