By Elizabeth Herman | Posted: February 28, 2020

The great poet Maya Angelou once said, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

Have you ever fallen in love and tried to hide it? The most intense feelings can be the most difficult to hide, but showing them may make you feel most vulnerable. Out of insecurity, many people may ask themselves “What if my loved one rejects me because I show how I feel?”

The fear of other people’s reactions often make us want to disguise our thoughts, feelings, and love. Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, founder of Art of Living, makes a distinction in our ability to keep what’s happening in our mind and heart secret. In the following short video, he says, “You can hide thoughts. It’s not difficult. You can hide feelings also, but it’s a little more difficult than the thoughts.”

Seeing someone’s thoughts and feelings

We can detect feelings through other people’s facial expressions and other clues, but thoughts generally don’t show up on the face or in body language. Gurudev continues, “You look at a man or a woman. You don’t know what they’re thinking. But you can make out what they’re feeling sometimes, though not all the time. Feelings are difficult to hide.”

Feelings occur in different degrees, which is another factor in how easily others detect and interpret them. “One may try to hide a lukewarm feeling, but an intense feeling just shows up in the face, in their expression, in their life,” explains Gurudev. “Look at somebody, their eyes; you can see what’s there behind those eyes. Is there love, hatred, anger, fear? What is there? You can make it out.” 

However, Gurudev also acknowledges that thoughts don’t cause the same outward signals in the eyes or the vibrations. “This isn’t the same case with thoughts. Someone is scheming, planning. You look at them but you don’t know.” So when someone sincerely feels and loves, they aren’t being cunning and clever enough to manipulate others. They become like an open book, unlike those who conceive of strategies and ideas through a busy, thinking mind.

Love: too subtle to hide

We often think of subtle things as being more difficult to perceive, and thus easier to hide. But the subtle nature of feelings and love also makes them difficult to conceal, perhaps because we have less control over parts of ourselves that we ourselves can’t get in touch with so easily. 

When someone asks what you’re thinking, isn’t it easy for you to talk about that? You can just look into your own mind and find words to express your thoughts. Or you can decide not to state them in words. But your feelings can be much more difficult to elucidate, because you may not know them as well. 

As Gurudev explains, “Feelings are subtler than thoughts, so they’re difficult to hide. And finer than feeling is love. Love is almost impossible to hide, and the more you hide, the more it comes into expression.” 

In other words, we can express or not express what we’re thinking. At the same time, what we’re feeling and the love we experience don’t depend on our decision to express them or not. The world can see who you are on the feeling and the loving level, even if they can’t see your thoughts.

Listen to the heart

So when you’re relating to someone else, take the time to become aware of the feelings, emotions, and love in your heart, in addition to the thoughts in your mind. Listening to someone else’s heart may be much more revealing and helpful than trying to listen to someone’s thoughts. Your communication will become more authentic, and your connections more genuine, as a result.

Another practice that may help is to always remind yourself that while thoughts and feelings may change, usually love will stay constant. You can know about the existence of love and be able to build strong friendships and relationships when you listen and look closely for it.

As Marianne Williamson says, “Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we have learned here. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and the acceptance of love back into our hearts.” Wishing you the best on your journey of love.

Elizabeth Herman writes, offers writing support to clients, teaches, and volunteers for a better world. She has a PhD in Rhetoric, Composition and Literature. Find her on Facebook or Twitter.