By Patti Montella | Posted: June 17, 2019

I’d been a successful corporate executive for over 17 years, when I chose to downgrade my position in order to upgrade my quality of life. My choice was definitely a risk, but I was more than ready to roll the dice. Everything about the move was refreshing and liberating with only one exception — my new regional boss. With almost 25 years with the company, clearly, he had to have been effective at one time, yet this was no longer the case. My colleagues as well as many others in the company, regularly complained about his enormous ego, lack of ability as a leader and his chauvinistic attitude. I didn’t know any of this when I accepted the position, but it didn’t take long to realize I had a big target on my back with three strikes against me. First, I was a woman. Second, I was smart and third — I wasn’t afraid to challenge the status quo. To add to the unpleasant situation, he was part of a “boys club” of high level executives who had all graduated from the same prestigious college. Consequently, he was well protected from any level of accountability, regardless of what he did or didn’t do. While the situation appeared pretty dismal, at least my immediate boss and I got along well.

Over time I quickly realized that no matter how much effort I put into our communication, or how much I worked, nothing I did was going to please this person. As if the job itself didn’t provide enough stress, when we were given cell phones he started checking up on me incessantly, as though I was a felon on a work-release program! I really didn’t understand why this was happening, since I came to this position with a proven track record of success, spanning almost two decades and he hired me. In spite of it, I did my job and ignored his odd behavior, as did my colleagues. Everyone wanted to keep their job, including me.

1) Stay calm with spiritual practices

At the time, research on the negative impact of chronic stress on our body, mind and spirit along with styles we now refer to as, “inspired leadership,” weren’t discussed in business.

No one even thought to do much about the toxic situation we were working in, until our top sales manager was hospitalized for a nervous breakdown citing the big-boss as his main source of stress.

It was a huge wake up call to everyone.

As the saying goes, “there, but by the grace of God, go I.”

The one difference that stood out between myself and my hospitalized colleague, was that I’d started walking the spiritual path within months of taking on this new job. My regular practice of the Sudarshan Kriya breathing meditation and pranayamas were instrumental in releasing my daily stress. The spiritual practices also infused me with plenty of energy, focus and resilience to move through a demanding work environment. Another big bonus since I’d started practicing, was that regardless of what happened during the day, I could fall asleep at night.

The company’s Human Resources Department called an urgent meeting with our entire sales team in an effort to better understand the realities of the situation. Prior to the meeting, we were assured that the big-boss would be absent from the meeting, so that we could speak freely. There is nothing comfortable about a meeting like this and I was dreading it. The morning it took place, just as I was about to walk into the boardroom, our most senior manager called me aside for a “tete -a- tete”.

His eyes darted nervously and he spoke in a hushed tone, making sure no one could hear him. “Don’t say anything directly against the director and do NOT be honest about what stresses you out at work,” he cautioned. It felt as though we were foreign agents discussing the illegal sales of weapons, instead of planning a strategy for a high level corporate meeting. He leaned in closer to emphasize the next point. “You can be sure that anything we say is going to go right back to him. Just make up something silly.”

Wisdom teaches us that life is a game and not to be taken so seriously.

At the same time, I had every intention of playing the game well and took the unexpected warning to heart.

The meeting began in a friendly enough manner, with the human resource director playing her role quite well, as an unbiased go-between. Once again, she assured everyone that we were to speak honestly and that anything we shared would be kept confidential. One by one she went around the boardroom asking each of us to describe what we found to be stressful about our job. I was a bit taken aback when a number of my colleagues truthfully shared their perspective about the big boss’s Machiavellian ways, citing specific examples.

When it was my turn, I casually said, “I find the new policy of wearing business casual once a week stressful,” winking at my secret strategist, while the company representative scribbled notes. Looking up from her clipboard, with surprised look in her eyes, she said, “excuse me, what did you say?” as though she was expecting a more damaging answer. There was an element of truth to my statement. I had literally started shopping for business casual clothing, since my closet only held business suits or clothing that definitely didn’t fit an office environment. “Well, it’s a new policy and I just don’t know what to wear every Friday,” I replied, mustering as much sincerity in my tone as possible. My friend smirked at me from across the room, lifting his eyebrows in amusement, as if to indicate, “smart move.” She scribbled a few more notes, and not too much later, our meeting concluded.

Everyone was eager to hit the bar and let off some steam after the intensity of the meeting. I, on the other hand, was eager to release the stress of the day through Sadhana (spiritual practice). After imbibing my fair share of liquor over the years, I knew better than to expect it to make me feel any better. Alcohol only offers a false and short-term sense of joy; it’s actually a depressant. I met up with the team for dinner after meditation.

2) Save your mind through the power of acceptance

A week later my immediate manager called to inform me that the big boss wanted to meet with me; I was in trouble. The warning I’d received before the meeting with Human Resources, turned out to be accurate. Someone had not only given the big boss the list of stressors for our sales team, he knew exactly who had shared what. True to form, rather than focusing on the most damaging comments, he was only concerned about my innocuous statement. Not only did I find the situation ludicrous, my immediate manager did as well and let me know exactly what was happening behind the scenes. “He instructed me to reign you in, that your comment was out of control. I know I’m risking my job telling you what’s going on, but this is just so wrong. It’s only fair that you are prepared.”

I was shocked. My job was on the line and this person had the power to dismantle my entire career regardless of how unjust the situation was.

I picked up the phone and consulted my attorney, who assured me that I had a potential lawsuit on my hands, if,I wanted to go the distance. Overall, the news was disheartening.

I grabbed a cup of tea and walked into my library to find any words of wisdom that might help to clear the overwhelming feeling of confusion in my mind. While the breathing and meditation techniques I practiced had been instrumental in preventing me from losing my temper with this man and possibly my job– in this moment, I felt helpless.

Leafing through a book titled, “God Loves Fun, by my spiritual teacher, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, some notes I’d taken from one of his knowledge talks fell out, like a secret key that’s about to unlock a treasure chest.

“You should accept others imperfections and your own imperfections also. When you don’t accept others imperfections, you get angry. And when you do not accept your own imperfections you feel guilty, and then you become angry at yourself. Accept people and situations as they are in life and then take action. The moment you do this, you’ll see you are out of confusion.”

The truth of my own contribution to the turmoil I found myself in, hit me like a ton of bricks. I had been resisting the situation from day one, which had been a total waste of energy and gotten me nowhere. While this man’s behavior was indeed unprofessional, unhelpful and unfair, my own non-acceptance was only throwing more mud into the game. I wondered how I’d gone this long expecting something to move forward, when all that was being passed back and forth from both sides, was negativity.

It dawned on me that continually coming from fear and anger, had simply clouded my intellect and prevented me from being skillful in handling the escalating situation. In fact, the only action I’d taken up until now, was to constantly complain to my friends while keeping myself in victim consciousness. The combination made me weak and did nothing to invoke the valor within.

I chuckled, recalling one of the very first knowledge points I’d learned from Sri Sri; what you resist persists. I’d certainly had resisted, and this situation most definitely had persisted! There was no choice but to take a long, slow deep breath in — and finally let go. As soon as I did, I felt a shift in my consciousness and all the clouds in my mind disappeared.

I turned the note over and read a little more wisdom from Sri Sri:

“All the events in life that have passed have become a dream. Wisdom is becoming aware of this dream-like nature of life even as it is unfolding now. Knowing this brings tremendous strength from within and you do not get shaken by events and circumstances. At the same time, events have their own place in life. We need to learn from them and keep moving”

Accepting the situation as it was, rather than resisting it with emotion, allowed my mind to settle down. As a result, I was able to take the first strategic step before the meeting even took place. The big-boss suggested we meet over lunch, but this was no friendly gathering — my job was on the line and I meant business. Instead, I took the liberty of reserving a neutral meeting space.

I prepared for the meeting by arming myself with rounds of deep meditation. Through regular meditation our mind remains centered in the present moment, rather than fluctuating between the past, where anger and fear lurk, or into the future, where anxiety hangs out. I’d recently learned that our presence conveys more than our words, which meant that the more silent I was from within, the greater impact my words would have. I intended to walk into that meeting with the purest of intention for the best to happen for everyone, without a drop of fear in my being and razor-sharp clarity of mind. By taking steps to still my mind and clear my emotions, I was building up my own confidence along with an unshakable presence. The powerful combination would allow me to respond skillfully, regardless of what unfolded.

3) Learn to shake hands with disturbance

The day of the auspicious meeting finally arrived, and my inner work had paid off. Instead of feeling fearful or feverish, I felt an inner stability the likes of which I’d never known. Perhaps some of what I’d read about the invincible Hindu warrior Goddess Durga, had also rubbed off. She battles evil and demonic forces so that dharma, peace and prosperity can prevail.

I walked into the meeting with my head held high and a strong sense of purpose. Taking a seat at the head of the table gave me a seat of power, at a subtle (or not so subtle) level. Along with the inner work I’d done on myself, I was emboldened by the assumption that he knew I was aware that he’d received the notes from our team meeting, which was completely unethical.

We quickly went through the polite necessities and I began the meeting as unemotionally as I’d led negotiations for multi-million dollar technology contracts. By the time we were done discussing the series of events that had taken place, the tables were turned. My job was no longer in jeopardy and the big-boss apologized for his behavior, with visible sincerity. Thinking of my colleague, I took one more brazen step and asked him what he might do going forward, so that no one on his team ever again suffered a nervous breakdown from office stress. I don’t recommend this level of “chutzpah,” to everyone; it could be misconstrued as insubordination. Still, I took the risk. We all make mistakes out of ignorance, and his positive and authentic reply stirred compassion in my heart. The meeting ended amicably and we all moved forward.

The ancient Vedic wisdom teaches that when we accept people and situations as they are, it creates a space for grace to flow. The honest interaction that took place during the meeting and the events that unfolded naturally afterward, supports this wisdom. Two months later, our holding company opened a new business in my city and I was promoted. Not too long after that, the big-boss retired.

Opposite values exist on this planet. A mountain can’t exist without a valley, nor does a hero exist without a villain. To know peace, we must learn how to shake hands with disturbance. It works.

Originally published on medium.com. Republished here with permission from the author.

Patti Montella is a recovered corporate executive. Leader in human potential movement. Perpetual student of the Yogic Sciences. International senior Faculty with the Art of Living Foundation. She can be followed on Facebook.