Question & Answers with Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
Q:
How do I satisfy my loved ones that are very demanding? I feel like I have no freedom.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Sometimes, it is okay to be little insensitive. When the demands are not justified or not logical, you do not have to feel obliged by those demands, but you don't have to get upset either. Suppose you are not a doctor and someone is demanding, "Give me medicine"; will you get upset? No! You will just smile and say, "Well, I am sorry, I am not a doctor, I can't treat you". Now if they get upset then it is not your problem! Find inner strength. Once you find your inner strength, nobody can take away your peace. And when you are centered, you are able to manage any situation, however complex however demanding.Q:
How to keep on loving without expecting. How is it possible? In love expectations arise, and if not fulfilled, it hurts.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Yes, you will have to go through these gymnastics. If you have wisdom, you don’t have to go through the pain to learn. When there is lack of wisdom, you go through pain, but you will come out of it in sometime, don’t worry. This is why it is important for one to have a larger context to life. When you have a larger context, all these trivial things don’t really bother you. They are all like waves on the surface of the ocean, they rise and fall. So, have a bigger context to life; that is the knowledge of the self. When you go deeper into the self, you realize that nothing can shake you because you are much bigger than your emotions, your situations and the people around you. Their praise and their blame don’t matter because you are much bigger than all this! Self knowledge uplifts you. With self knowledge you do not drown in the ocean of emotions and hurt.Q:
How do you bring peace to a relationship with a lot of conflict and arguments?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
There are two ways to handle it: · Move away from that place at that time - because when everybody is angry and things are heating up, everyone goes deaf. Angry people do not listen to anyone. The best thing is move away a little bit and wait for things to cool down. · Be there, with patience - First agree with the person, say, "Yes, I agree with you". Suppose your partner is arguing with you, don’t say, "No, you are wrong". Instead say, "Yes, you are right, I agree with you". The moment you agree, the temperature comes down. As the temperature comes down, say, "But…". This is the secret. Sometimes people come to me with big ideas. I tell them, "Your idea is brilliant, very good, but it is impractical". Use your skill to calm the situation, and then get across what you want to the other person.Q:
How do we deal with the anger I have towards my spouse, especially when we both are at completely different frequencies?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
First realize you are magnanimous. If you believe in your magnanimity and your inner beauty, it will become easier for you to handle all such situations. When you don’t look within, when you are simply focusing on the behavior of others, it will definitely rattle your mind. Then you try to correct the other person and you will be unsuccessful. People who irritate you, in some way or the other can bring about the best in you. They can bring out the talents and skills in you. See, when everyone around you is wonderful you don’t need any skill to handle a situation. It will only happen when there are people whom you think are unreasonable. So take it as an exercise as much as possible. I know it is not an easy job, but at least you save your mind.Q:
I am not sure if I am with the right partner. I am getting bored in the relationship. What do I do?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
See, if your relationship is based on personal need, it may not last long. Once the need is fulfilled, on a physical level or on an emotional level, the mind will look for something else and go somewhere else. If your relationship is from the level of sharing, then it can last longer. When you are looking for security, love and comfort from your partner, you become weak. All the negative emotions come up and you become demanding, and demand destroys love. If we just know this one thing, we could save our love from getting rotten.Q:
Why are we losing our freedom and lightness as soon as a relationship goes deeper?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You don’t need to. A relationship should come from a space of contributing, not demanding, then it will be nurturing. In every relationship, if we think, “What can I take from this person, or get from this person” then it’s going to be very disturbing. But when you come from the attitude that, “I am going to be a part of this person, give whatever I can, and contribute whatever I can, to this person’s life”, then it lasts longer.Q:
How to be in a relationship without depending on the other, and without feeling possessive?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Know that love is your nature and relax. By your very nature you are loving. Give the person whom you love their freedom, their space. When you love somebody, you almost want to suffocate them. You want to police them from morning till night. It may sound very difficult to not do this, but that is the wisest thing to do. Don’t police the person you love a lot.Q:
Why do relationships take away our freedom?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
If there is wisdom in relationships, it does not take away freedom. If there is no wisdom, then there is no freedom. It is not the relationship that gives or takes away your freedom, it is lack of wisdom.Q:
I am scared of commitment. How do I get over that?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
If someone tells you, "I will take you to a movie tomorrow", and you wait for them at the movie theater and they don't show up, how would you feel. Just put yourself in the receiver’s chair, and then you will see how important it is to be committed. A commitment can only be felt when it oversteps convenience. That which is convenient is not commitment. Often, what is convenient does not bring comfort, but gives an illusion of comfort. Also if you are too stuck in commitment, and it is very inconvenient, you are be unable to fulfill your commitment and will feel frustrated. Wisdom is to strike a balance between convenience and commitment.Q:
How to build a real, pure relationship?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Best not to try to build a relationship, just be yourself; be natural and be simple and a relationship will develop naturally.If you try to build a relationship, that is when you become a little artificial. Then your behavior becomes artificial, not natural. Just imagine someone is trying to impress you, don’t you notice that? If someone is trying to impress you, what do you do? You move away. What you like, that is what others like as well. You like someone to be very honest, open, natural, unassuming with you, correct? That is exactly what the other also wants from you. Don’t try hard to impress your girlfriend or boyfriend. Best is to be yourself, be forgiving and be in the present moment.Founded in 1981 by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, The Art of Living is an educational and humanitarian movement engaged in stress-management and service initiatives.
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