Question & Answers with Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
Q:
How do we curb our desires to watch porn, which is so freely available these days?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Yoga, pranayama, meditation change these tendencies in you. It changes your nature. You know that you are not just the body; you are scintillating spirit. With the help of these practices, you find yourself elevated to another level.Q:
I have many erotic thoughts, are they harmful?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Never mind, don’t worry! Don’t identify yourself with the thoughts. Thoughts are thoughts, they come and go. As long as you don’t act on them, you are safe. It takes time for your consciousness to be dispassionate and centered so such thoughts don’t occur to your mind. It doesn’t happen right away. You might have noticed, as you practice yoga, meditation and pranayama, these sorts of thoughts are fewer and fewer. Erotic and violent thoughts are fewer and fewer.Q:
My wife always complains that I do not tell her ‘I love you’. But it is not in my nature to express love through words. Is it necessary to express love?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
See, there are different ways of saying and expressing love. Just find a way that suits you and say it. If you cannot say it in words, then express it by making some hand gestures. Or you can write it and give it to her. You can send her a text message. Nowadays you do not even have to write complete words in the text message. Just sending those emoticons does the job! So just send those to her, one in the morning, one in the afternoon and one in the evening. See, it is our duty to try and keep everyone happy. Whether they choose to be happy or not is up to them. Some people will not believe it, even if you express. After receiving your text they might ask, "Do you really mean what you sent?" The mind is really very mysterious. Love is said to be Anirvachaniya (that which is beyond words, or cannot be expressed completely through words). You go ahead and do it!Q:
Dearest Gurudev, can you please talk about the secret behind a successful marriage?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
When there are two lines which run parallel, they go on forever together, but when they are focussed on each other, they cross and go away from each other. The same is true with relationships. When both partners have a common goal in life and are focussed on it, then their relationship lasts longer and with more harmony. When they are focussed on each other and they pick on each other this is when all the fights begin. If you can accept all the fights, the misunderstandings, the differences and move on, then you move together.Q:
Can you speak a little on marriage?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Marriage is a commitment to share one's life and care for another. It helps one to come out of self-centeredness. In a marriage, you cannot always think about only yourself. After being married you have to also think about your spouse. If you want to go on a vacation, you cannot just wander around, you have to consult your better half, and all decisions need to be taken in consultation with one another. Marriage is a very sacred institution where you tell your partner, "All my desires I give to you and I take all your desires". So each one has the responsibility to fulfill the other's desires and not their own. Growing in marriage is growing in responsibility, and love and responsibility go together. Marriage is also that institution of commitment to serve the society together. If you are married only to serve yourself, then you start demanding from each other, and demand destroys love. If you both have a goal to serve society, to make a difference in the world, then it is like two parallel lines that can move together till infinity. Then, there is satisfaction; life finds a fulfillment.Q:
My partner speaks foul words when he gets angry and he gets angry easily at small things. Later on he forgets what he said and I keep on crying. Please suggest what to do in this situation?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
See, he says all the nasty things and forgets about it, so you also listen and forget. When he gets angry, instead of telling him, "Don’t say it, don’t say it", and holding on to it in your heart, keep ear plugs with you and put them on immediately. Maybe you can keep ear plugs in your earrings, and the moment he says something, put them on and smile. Or you can slowly slip away from there. When he starts getting angry, tell him you have to urgently go to the bathroom and go and lock yourself in there for half an hour or so. Or go for a walk. You need to find some tricks. Once you know a person has this sort of a nature, no point in sitting and crying and making yourself miserable. That is how they are made, that is from their upbringing.Q:
How does one decide to end a relationship especially when children are involved. We are not able to see eye to eye with each other although I do not hate my spouse. Should I change my view using knowledge and carry on with my life?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
At times of conflict you don’t see eye to eye with each other, this happens. Have patience. When it becomes absolutely impossible you will not even ask a question. The fact that you’re asking whether you should continue or not indicates that you should continue. It means you can still expand and accommodate.Q:
When love turns into bitterness, what to do?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Just wait, don’t react, the bitterness will turn back into love again. You often see that the people for whom you have done so much turn bitter, and you cannot handle it. This is because you expect everyone to be in an enlightened state, and that is not possible. Everyone is not just going to be as accepting as you are, or be in an unconditionally giving and loving space. That is not possible. You will have to face reactions, and you should face it, that is all.Q:
How to cope with children’s expectations when they compare themselves with others and demand the things that others have?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You have to tell children that you can only give them this much and they shouldn’t compare themselves with others. It is important that you don’t give them any false hope. At the same time, we can give them a dream. If you pass or do this, maybe you will get it. Here lies the importance of bringing them up with that sensitivity and belongingness. That is why I say, make your children participate in your life instead of teaching them, then they will not even ask you. They should be a participant in your life, then they will be sensitive towards you, rather than putting a demand on you. Before you become a good father or mother, you need to become a good uncle or aunt. You should communicate more with the friends of your children. They will listen to you. Suppose, if your son or daughter’s friends have any wrong habit, you can influence them to change. They will listen to you more than their own parents.Q:
How do I deal with the rebelliousness of my kids?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Negative suggestions call for rebelliousness in the mind. If you say, “Don't do it”, then the mind says, “Why? Let me do it!” The mind calls for rebelliousness. But if you say, “You can do it, only you won't get the results”, then you don't leave a chance for the mind to be rebellious, then it takes the knowledge in. I remember one dentist would tell kids who would ask ‘Why should I brush my teeth’, he would say, “No, you don't need to brush the teeth that you don't want, you only brush the teeth that you want to keep!” So, move from negative suggestions to positive ones, this is important. When there is strong bonding, then negative or positive suggestions don’t matter. It’s only when the bonding is not very strong that negative suggestions call for rebelliousness in the mind.Founded in 1981 by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, The Art of Living is an educational and humanitarian movement engaged in stress-management and service initiatives.
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