Question & Answers with Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
Q:
How to deal with my child asking too many questions?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Children ask questions and often they are not looking for an answer, they move on whether you answer or not. Children are not stuck in questions like adults. Adults get stuck in questions, and ask the same questions ten times; children don't care. The spirit of inquiry comes to their mind, they ask a question and move on. So, you shouldn't take it too seriously.Q:
Isn't sex created by God?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
God has put these tendencies in our lives for us to rise above them. Without this there is nothing else in life to do. We have also been given the wisdom and the tools to rise above them. So the solution has been given first and then the problem. We need to fit the right solution to the problem. If we don’t see the solution but remain caught up in the problem, then that is ignorance.Q:
Is it okay to see someone's beauty? Is it not lust to look at someone's beauty?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
If you see some beauty and you want to possess it, then it is lust. You see beautiful things in the world, and every beautiful thing should remind you of the divinity. Then the beauty itself becomes a prayer. A great saint from India wrote some beautiful verses in Sanskrit called Soundarya Lahari. In that he says thateverything he sees reminds him of the Divine. The waves of beauty, it all reminds him of the divinity.Q:
I have come to know that sex is not good. How do I get over my desire to have sex?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Why do you think sex is negative? Through sex alone everybody has come to this earth., In the past people have been made to believe “Sex is the original sin”. Sex is not a sin, it is a basic function. Any plant, human, animal, everything comes out of it, and it is okay in moderation. Nothing should be done in extremes. All that we need to know is that there is a difference between bliss and sex. Sex is energy draining and bliss is energy conserving. One is energy consuming, the other is energy conserving. That is the thing.Q:
I am gay, is it wrong?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
No, if the tendency is in you, just accept it. Why do you want to blame yourself? It is a biological tendency. Why do you have to be ashamed of it? Just accept it! We should not label and blame ourselves. If you have such a tendency, just recognize it and don’t feel bad about it.Q:
Is being gay an impression of the mind?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
It could be, or it could also be biological. My advice would be to get out of labelling yourself based on some tendency of the body. Know that you are consciousness, you are love, you are scintillating energy. Your identification as energy, as love and as a beautiful person is far better than identifying yourself with the physical tendencies that may arise in you. The spirit has no gender, it is beyond gender. The spirit is love, and that is what you are. When you know this, you become very solid.Q:
I want to be honest with my parents about my sexuality. Yet my fear of losing their love and support has been stopping me from being honest with them. Please guide me to a solution.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
What are you going to achieve by telling your parents? Is it going to make them any happier? When they are not going to be happy, what is the point in telling them? Think about it. You don’t have to pretend to be what you are not; at the same time you don’t have to put a bomb where people cannot accept it. You could tell them gradually; prepare them in some way. You have to study the situation. How fragile are your parents? How unhappy they will become by your saying that? Is it worth being that honest to them if this is going to make them miserable? You need to judge all these pros and cons. In the ancient days, they used to say, "Speak the truth but speak the pleasant truth. Don’t speak unpleasant truth and don’t speak pleasant lies". This is the perfect balance. So use your sense of discrimination and gently prepare them if you want to tell them, if it’s going to serve some purpose.Q:
Sometimes I feel very lonely. I really don’t know what to do to get rid of this. I need someone to support me and someone on whom I can rely on.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Any companionship when it goes from a place of wanting or lack to contributing, it is long lasting. You came into this world all alone. Even if you are born twins, you are alone. When you go from here, you are going to go alone. Do not try to run away from loneliness. It is a blessing in disguise. 'This is the time for you to be centered. Push away everything around you. You will find that you are the scintillating energy of the universe. You are the centre of the consciousness. You are the ultimate truth. And this loneliness is only one step away from realizing that. Loneliness exists because you want to grab something from outside. Lord Krishna in Gita has said, 'Anityam asukham lokam imam prapya bhajasva mam'. He is saying, 'This world is impermanent and there is no fun in it; there is no joy in it. Look up to me, merge in me. Put your attention onto me'. It is time for you to do this. Trying to fill your loneliness by looking for a companion or anything outside is not going to work. Know that you are in this planet to give something and then pack up and leave. That is it. You have come here to give something. Take nothing from here. I am not against you having a relationship or a family, or getting married. You can have your spouse or your companion, but not from the space of wanting something from them. You can imagine a partnership where you are content and you are only contributing to the other person. Such a relationship will last longer. When you feel lonely, sit and meditate. Listen to bhajans or songs. Your beloved is within you. You just have to look inwards. Once you find the beloved within you, then you will find him/her everywhere in creation.Q:
How to treat a cheating spouse. Do I ignore and wait till they do this again or leave them?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Well, first of all, don’t label them as a cheating spouse, know they are your spouse. If they have cheated in the past, they have done it out of some temptation, some ignorance, or some situation you don’t know what. But, with your love and compassion, with your love and support you can change them, and make them become more sincere. If there is ever a competition between truth and love, it is love that will win. Truth will fail. Why does someone lie to you? It is because they feel that by telling the truth they may lose your love. A husband tells lies to his wife because he doesn’t want to lose the love of his wife. So love is more important than truth and that is why lies come. If you give your spouse the assurance that no matter what the thing is, if they tell the truth, your love will never go down or you will not stop loving them, then they will never lie to you. They will come and confess every mistake and everything they do to you. In ancient days this is what they used to do, because divorce was a remote possibility. People never used to divorce each other, so husbands would come and confess to the wives all the mistakes they made. The thinking was – “anyways she is not going to leave, she is going to be with him, so might as well tell her everything and keep my mind clear and feel free”. This is what people used to do if at all they committed any mistakes, or any adultery. The main issue is -- do you have that power, that love to transform him or her? Do you have that patience to accommodate them, understand where they come from instead of just accusing them, pointing a finger at them, look you have cheated? If someone is cheating why are they doing that? Like a mother, if your son or daughter is making a mistake, don’t you go into the root of it, "What made my son do this?” You don’t just accuse them and push them out, you go into the reason, the cause of why your child is doing that. You have to treat your spouse also like a child. Here in the west, mothering means showing authority, but mothering is a very positive term in the east. Mothering means not only as a companion but also a protector, one who takes care in all ways.Q:
Is it possible to restore trust in a relationship after a partner cheats? How to get past a cheating partner?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
I can tell you one thing, suppose you were in your partner’s place and you made a mistake unknowingly, or due to some compulsion, and your partner does not forgive you and holds it against you, how would you feel? Get into your partner's shoes and see. If you were the person who made that mistake, and your partner is not forgiving you, would you feel okay, or would you beg your partner to give you one more chance? This is good enough for you to take the cue. Nobody wants to cheat anyone. It is a temptation or a craving for something more that drives a person to do unethical things. Your soul does not stop until it finds itself, until it finds the ocean of joy. Until then, it keeps going for something more, thinking, "I may get something here". This is what drives a person.Founded in 1981 by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, The Art of Living is an educational and humanitarian movement engaged in stress-management and service initiatives.
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