Question & Answers with Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
Q:
How do I know if I am deeply in love with a person or if it is just an attraction?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Time will tell. Always know that there is a sense of sacrifice in love, while attachment only brings misery. In the name of love, if you fall into an infatuation or attachment, then you will only get misery. But in true love, even sacrifice brings contentment. Love brings sacrifice and contentment, while attachment and feverishness can only bring misery.Q:
I am attracted to someone, but I don't know if I should tell her how I feel. I want to be in love.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
If you express your feelings, you will ruin it. You don't need to tell somebody that you love them. If they are sensitive, they can feel it. Once you tell them your feelings, it changes everything. Your existence is love. You breathe and there is love. Real intimacy is knowing that you are already intimate and relaxing about it, never trying to convince the other that you are intimate, never trying to express yourself too much. So simply smile, and allow them to become intimate by themselves. It’s natural when you feel intimate that you want a response from the other person, you would like the other person to feel intimate too. Let them take their time. Don't be in a hurry to express your intimacy.Q:
Is there true love in this world? Most of the times love seems to be conditional, or out of convenience.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Do you love others unconditionally? Ask yourself this! Do not judge other people’s love for you. Suppose you find that someone’s love for you is conditional, don’t ask them, “Do you really love me? How much do you love me? Will you continue to love me all your life?” Don’t ask these silly questions. Take it for granted that the other person loves you. If you find that their love is a little less, ask them, “Why do you love me so much?” instead of saying "You don’t love me". Demand destroys love, so you should not demand love. Whether it is father-son, mother-daughter, husband-wife, wherever the demand comes, love starts reducing. So from your side, you be unconditional to your partner or your parents and say, “I am here for you. What is it that you want, I am here”.Q:
How do we judge whether somebody loves us truly?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
From whomever you receive love, just know that it from the divine. You are getting love from the one supreme energy. All your affection is also is toward that one energy only, and you are simply receiving its love through this person or that person. Know this and relax! Whether a person is true or false, right or wrong, don’t fall into these traps of the mind. If you get sunlight through the window, know that the light is coming from the sun. It is not the light of the window. Understand this much and relax.Q:
How do I know that I am in love, what are the signs?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
When you love someone you don't see anything wrong with them. Even if you see some fault in them, you justify the fault and say, "Well, everyone does it! It is normal". Then you think you have not done enough for them. The more you do, the more you want to do for them. And they are always on your mind. You want to see them happy, you want them to have the best, and you get hurt even over small things. Ordinary things become extraordinary when you are in love.Q:
What is Love?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
If there is one substances by which everything is held together and you want to give it a name, you can call it love. It is the basis of all existence. All the cells in your body love each other, that is why they are together. The day they stop loving each other, it all disintegrates. Love is not all wiggly wiggly and mushy mushy, "Oh I can’t live without you, I love you so much", and so on. It is not that. That is just an emotional something. Love means (silence)… that is it. Love is indescribable. You can’t describe it. And there is not a creature on this planet which doesn’t know it. From the sea to the fishes, from a chicken to an enlightened person, everybody has experienced love. Love for life is what we think it is, but life itself is love. So see through this knowledge that this whole universe is love.Q:
How to face Rahu and Shani Mahadasha (astrological planetary positions that bring forth a very hard phase of time)?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Don’t think that Rahu Dasha or Shani Dasha are bad. If you are on the spiritual path, and if you practice meditation, all these Dashas will do only good things to you. People think the Shani Dasha is very bad. Shani Dasha pushes you towards the spiritual path. If you are stuck in small things, it relieves you from there and puts you on the spiritual path. If you are already in knowledge and wisdom, Shani Dasha doesn't do anything wrong. In life, there are ups and down. Some good thing happens. Something which you don't like happens. But every incident is an opportunity for you to grow stronger. So, don't worry about Rahu Dasha or Shani Dasha.Q:
I could not marry the person I was in love with because of certain circumstances. Now I am not able to give all of my love to the person I am married to. How do I fix this struggle?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Look, you have made this relationship, so now give your 100% and see. Otherwise you will only keep dreaming. If a husband thinks that 'I did not get the kind of wife I wanted', and the wife thinks that 'I didn’t get the kind of husband I wanted', then both are going in different directions. This one relationship alone is not life; besides this there is so much to do in this world. So settle this one issue completely and move on. You should think what I can do for this world, what I can do for the people around me, how much knowledge can I attain, and how much love can I give to others, instead of getting stuck from one relationship to another. You didn’t like one relationship so you went to the second one, then third one. There is no point in being a rolling stone. There is nothing called a perfect match. Whatever match you have gotten, you should be happy and move on with it. One area of your life is settled, so now move forward. No point of jumping from one relationship to another. An elderly lady is Canada once said to me, "Gurudev, you know that my husband is a very tough man and I have to manage him. I thought I would leave, but then I thought, if I don’t know how to row one boat then I cannot row the other boat as well. So, if you don’t know how to row one boat, changing the boat is not going to help you.Q:
I got divorced four years ago and got remarried less than a year ago. I see that the same situations are repeating in my life. Is this karma or am I not able to apply the knowledge?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You will know this better. See what mistakes you are making. Do you have acceptance? Do you serve a person? Why would someone not like to be with you if you are a fountain of joy and enthusiasm? Why would someone not like to be with you if you are full of love and service, if you are hollow and empty, if you are in wisdom and knowledge? Everyone will want to spend time with you. So keep yourself soaked in wisdom day and night.Q:
I think I am addicted to sex. I have no self-control when it comes to sex. I try very hard, but I can’t control myself.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
I think you have too much free time. If you are busy and you work hard, then you will get so tired that you will be waiting to hit the pillow. The moment you hit the pillow you will fall asleep. You either have too much free time or you are eating too much food; then obsessions and addictions come up. Too much food and sex are related. So, keep a watch on your food, keep a watch on your company and keep yourself very busy, especially at the age when the hormones play havoc. If you follow the language of moderation then you will be all right. When you have a goal, or something to achieve, then you do not think about sex. Just ask any student, during exam time are they bombarded with thoughts of sex? They’ll say no. For that whole month when they have to achieve something, their mind is fully focused on it. They have a bundle of books to read and to prepare. So engaging yourself in some creative activity is helpful. Pleasure always makes you run towards it first, and then later on makes you run away from it. This is its nature. First you crave for it and you go towards it, and then later on you go away from it because it becomes too much to handle. Yoga is that which makes you centered, it stabilizes you. When you are stable and centered, if pleasure is there, you enjoy it, if it’s not there, you don’t mind it. It does not occupy your mind. It’s not a craving that bothers you.Founded in 1981 by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, The Art of Living is an educational and humanitarian movement engaged in stress-management and service initiatives.
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